St. Xavier Church, A Jesuit parish in downtown Cincinnati, Ohio

Welcome to the blog for Matt Lieser, n.S.J., and Kyle Shinseki, n.S.J.
The “n.S.J.” means that they are “novices, Society of the Jesus” (the Jesuits). They have been novices since August, 2009, when they entered the Jesuit novitiate program. The two-year novitiate program is a process by which they will learn more about the Jesuits through living in religious community, prayer and retreat, study about the Society of Jesus, and experiences by which they are challenged to greater freedom and availability in service and greater self-awareness. At the end of the two-years, they will profess their Perpetual Vows in the Society of Jesus, and begin their years of study and ministry towards ordination to the priesthood.

Both Matt and Kyle entered the Jesuits after completing college as well as a number of years with “corporate careers” and living on their own. Matt was raised in Toledo, Ohio and Kyle in Kauai, Hawaii. They explored and discerned their vocation to religious life for well over year, while they continued to work, to live in Cincinnati and while remaining active parishioners of St. Xavier Church.

If you would like more information about the Jesuit formation program, please check out our website: ThinkJesuits.org

I apologize for the late blog entry. Kyle and I have been going through some pretty big transitions over the past few weeks. It started with our profession of First Vows in the Society of Jesus and carried into our move to Loyola University in Chicago, IL to begin our next stage of formation known as First Studies.

First a bit on our vow ceremony:

Myself, Kyle and seven of our novice brothers all professed vows of perpetual poverty, chastity, and obedience, stating that we will commit ourselves to live these vows within the Society of Jesus for the rest of our lives. No small task! For me the beauty of professing vows came in the last line which states, "And as you have freely given me the desire to make this offer, so also may you give me the abundant grace to fulfill it."

To make such a promise, knowing full well my own weakness and inclination to my own selfish desires, requires placing Christ as the center of my life. To do so means constant prayer and reflection on where I encounter Jesus in my daily activities and labors as a Jesuit. During the Vow weekend this became very apparent as we all were blessed with family, friends, and our brother Jesuits that came to witness to our promise to Jesus and celebrate with us. With the duties of planning the weekend, entertaining friends and family, and the realization of what a commitment I was making it became easy to fall into stress and anxiety. The key became examining my conscience and praying to recall the true purpose of the weekend. This was a pivotal time for my vocation to take a step closer towards entering into true discipleship with Jesus. What helped me to regain my peace and composure and what gave me strength to profess vows was spending Friday night in Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament. Adoration has always been a great way to place myself before God as I am, admitting my true self to Him which always results in a peace that only God can place in our hearts.

Having refreshed myself in such a state of mind I really felt the words of Romans 12:1-2 come to life in me:

"I urge you, brothers and sisters, by the mercies of God, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God, your spiritual worship. Do not conform yourselves to this age but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect."

What better practice than placing oneself before God in the Most Blessed Sacrament, to share the depth of your heart with God in order to understand His will in our lives and cleanse ourselves of the distractions of our daily activities. Without this reflection we can easily confuse or replace God's will with that of others or our own.

Having entered into the vow mass refreshed with God's will in my mind and reminiscent of the many confirmations I had received over my two years in novitiate I found myself confident to lay myself down before the Eucharist to profess vows. It was a prayerful practice and one that has left lingering graces even two weeks later.

As I have made my move to Chicago to begin studying philosophy I encounter much struggle in the daily grind of moving, scheduling class, knowing and living in a new community, but when anxiety begins to settle in I recall those words of Romans 12 to conform my mind to that which is pleasing to God. It has not been an easy transition, but I encounter God in the new members of my community here, the the knew challenges that studies pose, and in the recollection that the Lord places the words in my mouth and the conviction in my heart to go and set the world on fire.

May we all live according to this Holy plan of God even in the face of adversity and strife, knowing that He is with us and in us always!

Thanks for all your support since the beginning of our novitiate until this new phase of formation. It would not have been possible without the prayers and support of St Xavier Church! Kyle and I have discussed perhaps continuing a separate blog to serve as a way to follow us here in Chicago. As we settle in I will send a new link to the blog. IN the meantime know of our prayers and friendship in Christ.

God Bless!

AMDG

Matt

As I write this entry it dawns on me that we only have about two months until both Kyle and I will pronounce vows within the Society of Jesus. It is hard to wrap my mind around how fast this time has gone for me throughout the many experiences and events that have transpired.

Long experiment required a tremendous amount of grace, as I was given for the first time, more challenges then I thought I could handle. The overall message was one of trusting in the Lord as the Good Shepherd. The theme first appeared as I was called on to organize and help run a retreat for over 60 Latinos at our Jesuit Retreat Center in Oshkosh, Wisconsin. As part of the healing service I sang Psalm 23 in Spanish which says, El Señor, es mi Pastor, nada me falta (The Lord is my Shepherd there is nothing I shall want). These words stuck with me over the days of the retreat calming me in times of stress and filling me with joy at the prospect of doing God’s work. My last reflection that I gave to my Jesuit community was the gospel of John regarding Christ’s analogy of the good shepherd and the sheep. I took this as an overall theme of my long experiment that Jesus was shepherding me and guiding me through some dark valleys that I may emerge more prepared to take vows in August.

We were also called on to write a letter requesting vows into the Society of Jesus. Initially I found it a tedious task but after some solid spiritual direction I was able to formulate what I was feeling about my desire to take vows and what the reality of living these vows has meant for me over the past two years. Since entering the novitiate I have truly felt confirmed based on my own spiritual growth, ability to adapt to new environments, and the compatibility I have seen amongst our apostolates and communities. I find that the vow of poverty is where Jesus has presented Himself to me as a meek, mild, and humble man and asking me to emulate these characteristics to those I meet in ministry and to my Jesuit brothers. This image of Christ came to me back on the 30 day Spiritual Exercises and has been a consistent part of my prayer ever since. Upon looking at that vow of poverty I feel that it ties into obedience for me that I am called to trust humbly in the presence of Jesus in my superiors and fellow Jesuits. I have to admit that every chore or mission that I have been given has taken my own heart and will into account and upon completion most are very conducive to free me to be more available to serve Jesus in deeper and more powerful ways. To come full circle I feel that for me to be able to embrace the vow of chastity I must obtain a poverty of spirit. This entails possessing enough self understanding to be aware of both my gifts and weaknesses, accepting them and then learning to meet others as my true self. By being my true self I am able to vulnerably open myself to intimate relationships and friendships with those whom I live and work and recreate. As a chaste and celibate man these relationships enable me a type of availability to a wider variety of people and allow me to more fully give myself as Christ does.

I look forward to embracing the next adventures this summer ( a month long history course in Denver, an 8 day retreat, two weeks of recreation at our villa home) as we count down towards vows. Knowing that I am being guided by the Good Shepherd in each step of the way!

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Jesuit high schools in the United States have a set of characteristics known as "Grad at Grad" which students should embody by their graduation. Today is graduation day here at Creighton Prep, where I have done by Long Experiment over the course of this spring semester. These characteristics seem like a fitting way to look back at my immersion experience in Jesuit high school life.

Open to Growth: Prior to my experience at Prep, my notions of preparatory schools were largely formed by my public school biases and my ideas of teaching were mostly based on several less than ideal past experiences in the classroom. At Prep, I have been challenged to put aside those conceptions and have grown to appreciate the incredible value of a Jesuit education, the impact such an education has on the character of the students, and yes, the rewards of the educational field.

Intellectually Competent: Long Experiment was my first time teaching theology and specifically Scripture, a subject I had never studied before. While this seemed like a daunting task back on January 1, with some humility and patience, I have been able to learn the material and find ways to impart my new-found knowledge to the students. As the semester draws to a close, it has been gratifying to discover signs that my students have learned a few things over the course of the semester.

Religious: Retreats, school Masses, and vocation-related events have been major highlights of my experience at Prep. I have been moved by the faith and commitment of the many students I have encountered during these activities, especially since I myself was not Catholic in high school. It has been through assisting with and participating in these events that I have gotten to know many of the Prep students as individuals and ultimately as brothers in Christ.

Loving: What has most impressed me during my time at Prep is the genuine love and care that the Prep students have for one another and that the faculty, administration, staff, and Jesuits have for them. It is not uncommon to find students giving each other a pat on the back or a hug in the middle of the hallways during a busy school day. The Prep culture encourages such sincere relationships as opposed to the superficial online friendships that are so common today. There is a true sense of community at Prep, and I am grateful to have been welcomed into this community with open arms.

Committed to Doing Justice: From dialogues I have led with students about the Catholic Church's position on immigration to participating in Pro-Life prayer vigils to witnessing character-building talks by coaches on the soccer field, the commitment to a just society is palpable at Prep. The expression "Men for Others" is more than just a catch-phrase here, but is upheld and applauded as a fundamental way of being. The social conscience that the young men at Prep graduate with brings me great hope as they go on to be future leaders in Omaha and beyond.

So, I would conclude that my Long Experiment has embodied the characteristics of "Grad at Grad." I have been inspired by the students, staff, and my brother Jesuits during my time here and hope to carry with me the many lessons learned and graces received as I approach Vows in August.

It has been only 3 and a half months since I moved to Milwaukee to pursue this next stage of formation known as long experiment. It has required no little effort to continue actively discerning vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience. I have recently written my letter for permission to profess vows as well as a meeting with my spiritual director and superior regarding my placement situation and my desires for vows. The practice of writing my vow letter gave me some insights on my deeper desires to know Christ and the challenge of finding faith that sustains me in desolation. Throughout these three and a half months I have experienced an active faith paradoxically carrying and protecting me like a giant hand of God gently lifting me in times of trouble and allowing God to take over. In otherwise dire situations this faith has created a spring of hope and confirmation that by just arriving and giving an effort God can do the rest. As I continue in my fourth month here at Casa Romero I have found some very enriching work after an initial trial of learning how to understand the organization and its mission. I have really been blessed to assist Fr. Dave with the spiritual development piece of our mission. He has let me participate on a retreat program for faculty and staff and Marquette University High School. I have also been in charge of running a group of lay people called the Acompañantes of whom I have become quite fond. They are a huge help as I coordinate our Lenten retreat programs with local parishes. They are my facilitators and we also have monthly meetings to plan retreats and discuss the group. This work has given me a greater sense of leadership and pastoral experience. Another experience which has been the climax of my work thus far was our three day Latino retreat at our beautiful Jesuit Retreat Center in Oshkosh, WI. We actually filled the entire retreat center and had a waiting list for the first time in history. Upon arrival I was made aware by Fr Dave that I would be in charge of Morning Prayer, the healing service, and would act as a spiritual director. Not to mention I was in the middle of helping all the guests register and find their rooms which contained many little disasters. Needless to say I found myself quite stressed and worried about how it would all pan out. I was so nervous and worried I developed some sever stomach issues for the first day of the retreat. Through throwing up some last minute prayers I learned my lesson as God guided me through the retreat and once again when I can get out of the way and let God work then marvelous things can happen. By the end of this retreat I had never seen such joy on peoples faces. The closing mass people finished the song with clapping and hugging and crying. There were long lines to thank all of the retreat team and I was slightly ashamed at how I doubted God at work initially when faced with the reality of what looked to be more than I could handle. Here I found myself totally surrounded by love and joy which more than validated my efforts. I have also found through actively visiting some families in the community I have been enriched with a greater sense of mission and service as a Jesuit. One true blessing has been visiting the Hernandez family to work on a Lenten program together. Despite my worry about time constraints to give them an hour of my week I am currently there every Tuesday night for over four hours discussing the scripture followed by a huge dinner and hanging out. It has been a nice surprise to see God placing good people in my path and testament to continue trusting His plan. Throughout this time of volatility and variety in my community, work, and ministry one consistency is the love I feel when called by Christ to generously give. Through the experiences mentioned I have found growth towards learning to serve based on a generous love. A generous love that has grown in me through prayer and spread to others through faith based in action.

Creighton Prep is known in the Jesuit high school world for its Freshman Retreat, a Thursday through Saturday affair that involves all the Freshman class and a sizable crew of Upperclassmen who lead and produce the event. This year's Freshman Retreat theme was "Experience the Love, Love the Experience." I was privileged to be part of the Retreat planning process as well as the retreat itself back in late January. I was impressed by the faith of the Senior group leaders, the energy of the student grounds crew, and the depth of the talks shared by students about how they had found God through the trials and challenges of their young lives.

The Freshman Retreat theme helps to summarize my experience to date here during my Long Experiment. Despite my hesitations about what life at a Jesuit preparatory school would be like, I have been surprised by how much I have enjoyed my time here and have honestly loved the experience. While I am still not a natural at teaching Freshman Scripture by any means, with time I have discovered that with the right amount of patience, humility, and flexibility and lots of help from my Theology colleagues, I am able to share some level of knowledge with my students. More importantly, through the experience, I have learned to find Christ in the students here at Creighton Prep.

Beyond the classroom and Freshman Retreat, I have had the opportunity to participate in the Junior Encounter retreat, during which I was moved by the many unanticipated letters of support I received from my brother Jesuits and friends and consoled by the profound discussions I shared with the student participants in my small group. I have enjoyed sharing my vocation story and novitiate experience with students both here at Creighton Prep and Creighton University in informal and formal settings. In addition, I have been able to prefect the lunchroom and computer lab, help with the choir and soccer team, tutor a Freshman, and give a brief talk on immigration. In a brief period of time, I have been immersed in Jesuit high school life and I have discovered why this is such an important apostolic priority for the Society of Jesus. The faculty and staff at the school reflect a deep sense of vocation to have a positive impact on the faith and lives of the students.

Finally, I have been amazed and grateful to see how grounded I have felt out here in Omaha, Nebraska. Although I was glad to spend a few days last week reconnecting with Matt and other Jesuit and lay friends in Milwaukee and Chicago, I have found much life here in the Cornhusker state in my new Jesuit community, with the Prep faculty, through the local Church, in the Latino community, and even through some Hawaii connections. In fact, this Saturday, I have been given the honor to give the blessing at the annual Creighton University Hawaii Club Luau.

Through my Long Experiment, I have been reaffirmed in my vocation as I prepare to request permission to pronounce Vows of Poverty, Chastity, and Obedience to God in the Society of Jesus in August. I have experienced a growing trust in God and a growing recognition of the limitlessness of God's generosity in my life.

For my long experiment I have been missioned to Milwaukee, WI., to work at Casa Romero Renewal Center. Casa Romero is located in the heart of Milwaukee's Latino population and our central focus is building community and family values through our retreats and work in the community.

After about 6 weeks in this experiment I am grateful for the experience that I am gaining in retreat work and pastoral ministry, especially in working more in the Spiritual Exercises. Each weekend we have family based retreats to build communication between parents and children, we focus on training and empowering high school students to mentor middle school children, and I am working with a lay group that facilitates retreats based in the Jesuit tradition. I have been invited to assist with a discernment group on Marquette's campus, to speak about my vocation and life as a Jesuit novice, and to even be a translator for three days when the provincial from Ecuador came to visit us.

I feel very blessed in this new endeavor and find many invitations to serve and live for Christ here in Milwaukee. As always I am astounded by the solid example of my Jesuit brothers whom I live with here. We are a community of roughly 16 men and all carry out a call to Christ through their own unique mission. I am living with our provincial and some of his staff members (those who are basically running the Wisconsin Society of Jesus), we have a high school president in our community, a couple of college professors and deans from Marquette, a pastor from our Jesuit parish, a writer, spiritual director, and a doctorate student. I have been given the gift of seeing the many ways that the Jesuits are able to serve God and bring about His Kingdom on earth.

As I reflect over these past 6 weeks I have found a new invitation to greater generosity as I serve others. I also have found an invitation to trust in God and let Him carry me in those moments of difficulty. He has lifted me up through some great highlights - delicious Mexican food, great seats at Marquette basketball games, some great friends to spend time with, and the realization that life is truly a gift.

Just prior to leaving the Novitiate for Christmas, we had the opportunity to spend three days in silence during an Advent Triduum retreat. This time of silent reflection was much needed after a busy and powerful Fall semester of ministry in addition to Jesuit Constitutions, Catholic Social Thought, and Spanish classes. Our Triduum talks were given by Father Larry Gillick, S.J. who noted that "every interruption is an invitation."

I have been able to reflect on this wisdom as I recently experienced the interruption of 4-months spent in the comfort of our new novitiate community in Saint Paul. After a brief Christmas break spent with Matt's family, who have generously given me a home away from home in Ohio, followed by a 3-day conference with fellow Jesuits in formation, I received an invitation of sorts to set out for the frontiers of our Midwestern Jesuit provinces, to head out to my Long Experiment in Omaha, Nebraska.

While the modern city of Omaha is far from being a frontier town, in many ways for me, my missioning here to Creighton Prep Jesuit High School is an invitation from the Lord to embrace my own frontiers. Since I did not grow up Catholic, a Jesuit Catholic all-boys high school is definitely a new and different experience for me. As someone whose previously life was in fundraising and marketing, classroom teaching of theology is clearly outside my realm of expertise. And though I had traveled extensively before entering the Society of Jesus, until 2 weeks ago, I had never stepped foot in the Cornhusker state.

Some sort of work with Latinos in a parish or social ministry setting or even in a high school would have been easier in many ways, but through the Fall I was drawn to place myself in God's hands. After all, as Jesuits we are called to be available to serve wherever the Church needs us and as the last major experiment before making our Vows, I sensed an invitation to leave behind the familiar to head out to the uncharted waters of Nebraska.

What will this experience hold for me? What graces will I receive? What lessons will I learn? Given my devotion to our Blessed Mother, I am inspired by her Fiat, to simply allow God in His own time to reveal those things to me. Thus far though, I have received a warm welcome from both the school and the Jesuit community. So I have every reason to believe that the Lord will continue to lead me in this new adventure of my Jesuit life.

As the semester comes to a close we are preparing to begin a three day retreat before we head home for Christmas. The retreat will provide some much needed time for reflection and prayer to better understand the ways in which Christ has been at work in the lives of myself and my brothers through the many aspects of novitiate life. It is also a time to reflect and pray for those graces that we are seeking to receive over the long experiment.

Long experiment is r0ughly five and a half months living in a new Jesuit community and working at a Jesuit apostolate so that we familiarize ourselves with the lived reality of the Jesuit lifestyle, allow other Jesuits to come to know us, and to further prepare us towards taking First Vows in August that consist of poverty, chastity, and obedience. My assignment will be Casa Romero in Milwaukee, WI working as a retreat facilitator with the Latino population. Kyle has been placed at Creighton Prep in Omaha, NE where he will be working with high school students teaching New Testament and Theology class. We expect to be challenged by the rigorous schedule of a full week of work while balancing prayer and social responsibilities in community. This experience will also provide the necessary context for further discernment of vows as we first hand witness how it feels to actively live out the mission of the Gospel.

I find that over the past semester God has been surprising me with exceptional challenges and graces to show me what a big God He is that I am serving. My tendency has been to bring God into my own limited view of Him and the world. I find God wants to raise me up in prayer to see the larger picture and to understand that no matter what life looks like from my angle His view is mightier and full of endless possibility and potential.

This semester my limited view has seen in ministry a locked up and forgotten desperate population of criminals and illegal immigrants at Ramsey County Jail. It has seen in prayer that I pray before a God that comes to me at the times he pleases and disappears for periods of time without notice or reason. It has seen in community that each day is a new challenge to give immense amounts of energy and generosity.

From God's view the men and women of Ramsey County Jail are enduring a time of transition, a step back in order to move ahead. Whether they return immediately to God's flock or not there are seeds planted and sown so when they do hit rock bottom again they will remember the time that Jesus has reached out to them through their Chaplains at the jail. From God's view in prayer when He presents Himself as absent He rests in my heart and envelops my whole being allowing me to understand that it is through this "absence of God" that He makes himself known. Just like through the darkness we can see the light and after the winter we appreciate the beauty of spring. (Something I'm truly going to appreciate after winter in MN!!) We must learn to look above the limits of our human vision to see that we are being pruned, sculpted, and groomed in our day to day challenges in order to become our true selves and better learn to find God in the mess of life.

It is my hope that during this long experiment Kyle and I are able to look above to our All powerful God to guide us and carry us in the palm of His hand to fully understand His will and kindle in us the fire of His love. A love that endures forever.

In 2008, Pope Benedict XVI addressed the 35th General Congregation of the Society of Jesus noting that, "the Church needs you, counts on you, and continues to turn to you with confidence, particularly to reach the geographical and spiritual places where others do not reach or find it difficult to reach." The focus of our Fall Ministry as Second Year Novices has been to reach these physical and spiritual frontiers through direct service to or advocacy with the poor.

Matt and I, along with two other fellow novices, have spent 10 hours a week at a local jail as chaplains. We spend time in prayer and conversation with people of all faiths and bring the Eucharist to those who are Catholic. We are privileged to be able to meet face to face and in the same room with inmates who cannot even visit their family members in this way, but rather only via a video screen. While at first, I was a bit intimidated to be left alone in a room with a person whose crime I never know about unless she or he decides to tell me, after a while I began to trust that the Holy Spirit would give me both the courage as well as the words I needed to share with the person before me.

Among the brokenness of these women and men, African Americans and Asian Americans, Latinos and Whites, we humbly seek to bring Christ's presence where many are faced with hopelessness and despair. One moment we may be with an accused murderer battling with mental illness, the next with an undocumented immigrant whose only crime in life had been to cross the border without the proper papers. One of my first meetings was with a young man, an adopted only-child like myself, who was facing a multiple-year sentence in prison. He sat before me, with his hands cuffed behind his back, tears streaming from his face. As he continued to sob, mucus streamed from his nostrils, which he was unable to clean himself, so I took the piece of paper I had in my pocket and wiped it for him. For a fleeting moment, I could understand the grace given to Blessed Teresa of Calcutta as she cared for the sick and destitute in India, for in that moment, the face of Christ was revealed to me in this young man.

In addition to the jail, I spend 3 hours a week with a fellow novice at an information and referral center for Hispanic immigrants, where I have been exposed to the day to day struggles faced by those who are adapting to life in a new country. While some people come by simply to use the free Internet access we provide or to use the free copying machine, there are others who desperately need help with an asylum case lest they be sent back to their home country and face death threats from those who have murdered their relatives. Some may simply want to look up job opportunities on line, while others need to find housing for their family even though they do not speak enough English to talk to potential landlords. I have been truly humbled by the people I have met in this ministry and have come to appreciate how blessed I have been in my life, to not have faced most of the challenges these people face nearly every day. In them too, have I found the face of the poor Christ.

The late director of the Agrupación Católica Universitaria, the Jesuit Christian Life Community (CLC) which I joined in 2000, Father Amando Llorente, SJ, would often say that the Jesuit is called to go "donde nadie quiere ir y donde más peligro haya (where no one wants to go and where the most danger lies)." This phrase inspired me 10 years ago when I first heard it during a weekend retreat and it continues to inspire me today as I attempt to live it as a Jesuit novice. I have never felt so Jesuit as when I enter the jail in my clerical shirt, hear the metal doors slam behind me, sit with an inmate dressed in a orange jumpsuit, and offer myself up as an instrument of God's love and mercy.

It has been a great semester so far as a second year novice yet not without its challenges. We have settled in and have found a routine. In reviewing the semester I would have to highlight running the Twin Cities Marathon, training for the Twin Cities Marathon, leading the Triduum retreat for the first year novices, jail ministry, oh yeah and spending time with Jesus. I imagine I should have placed time with Jesus as number one instead of running but let me explain ....

I find that my discernment to the priesthood and my distance running are parallels in many ways. I began running longer distances in Guatemala which is also where I began to discern the priesthood. It wasn't long before I realized the spiritual outlet that my running had become for me. Every morning in Guatemala I would run through the mountains by my village to the neighboring town of San Mateo which was about a nine mile run up and down some serious hills. As the endorphins would kick in I not only experienced an ability to run fast and far but also a sense of peace which would come over me and help me place my mind, body, and spirit in a prayerful experience. My runs would take me to breathtaking scenery where I would stop to pray and examine my day to see where God was being present to me.

When I came home from Guatemala I carried with me this new gift of intertwined distance running and prayer. It became most important at a time in 2007 when I began to actively discern the priesthood and started training for the Flying Pig marathon in Cincinnati. Through my training with a good friend Kacey I was able to overcome many fears and worries that had been giving me pause to talk to a priest about a possible vocation. Kacey and I had many great talks and prayers together on our runs and I know that is what really helped me in my discernment towards entering the novitiate.

As I awaited entrance to the Society of Jesus I spent time working in Chicago at a Jesuit Parish. While there I spent a harsh winter training for the Boston Marathon. Despite the bitter cold I truly found God as I learned the streets of such an amazing city on numerous runs around the lake and throughout downtown. It was on many of these runs that I found the strength to face a lot of challenges of leaving a past career and setting out to do something so new and strange to me.

I guess by now you are seeing the trend. For every important part of my vocation I can pull out some incredible and memorable runs that have always been apart of me. They are God's way of guiding me, allowing me to gather my thoughts and in turn praise Him through the gift of my body and my endurance.

This past week was no different running the Twin Cities Marathon. Not only did I finish at a time that was 13 minutes faster that my previous record but I also hit a new spiritual record, or maybe I could call it an awakening to the love that surrounds me. The day started by being dropped off at 7am by Jeff Dorr and Keith Kozak (two fellow novices). As the race began we were blessed with a perfect fall day. The sun shown off the multitude of colorful leaves as I wisked past beautiful lake after beautiful lake. Jeff rode his bike to miles 2, 11, 16 and 24 to support me as I ran. I had Kyle and Adam waiting for me at mile 13 with bananas and a friend to run with for a mile. Then Steve, Trevor, and Keith were at mile 20 right when I needed the support to keep up my pace, and at mile 24 I ran right past the novitiate where I had 20 brothers outside cheering me on. It was quite a rush to receive so much support and love throughout the entire race. I still remember after running uphill for 6 miles straight finally reaching the cathedral and seeing a nice 3/10 of a mile decline until the finish line. As I approached the finish, realizing I reached my goal by over 7 minutes I couldn't help but smile and pray "Jesus I love you."

This race has been extremely important for me throughout the first semester as a second year novice. Through all the hardwork both spiritually (through prayer, retreats, faith sharing, spiritual direction, praying on runs), mentally (classwork, ministry at the jail, overcoming obstacles / negative thoughts on runs and in life), and physically (running, working out, developing healthy eating habbits, community life) I have truly seen the love of Christ penetrate into my existence. It can be very palpaple like on marathon day or it can be more subtle and challenging like on a difficult training session but on all ocasions I find that I am constantly being called to show up, participate, and run the race!

The past month began with a whirlwind of activity - saying goodbye to our brothers who had just taken Vows, to two of our Novice Directors, and to the Jesuits from the Detroit area that we had gotten to know over the past year. Amongst the many goodbyes, one stands out for me. In the midst of our packing and cleaning of the Novitiate in Michigan, I was able to find a couple hours to head up to the Jesuit infirmary where we had spent a month in ministry last December. I stopped by to say farewell to a number of Jesuits that had become good friends. Just before returning to the Novitiate, I stopped by to see an elderly Jesuit sitting alone in his room in a wheelchair. As we parted ways, I was quite moved by how he asked me, a young Novice, to pray for him.

We spent two days traveling from Berkley, Michigan to Saint Paul, Minnesota. Along the way, I stopped by a Mexican restaurant in Benton Harbor, Michigan, that had been a rest stop at the end of my pilgrimage journey back in May. As we headed off to an unfamiliar place in the Land of 10,000 Lakes, it brought me comfort to enjoy the familiar taste of a home-style Mexican meal, complete with hand-made corn tortillas. Our experience in Peru reminded me of how much my Catholic faith and vocation to the Society of Jesus are tied to my experience with Hispanic culture. Little did I know that I would find a very vibrant Latino community in the Twin Cities, including two neighborhoods each with a parish with Spanish-language Masses within 10 minutes of our new home.

Although we have only been in Saint Paul for less than a month, it feels like we have been here longer. The first week was spent settling in to a new house, a new neighborhood, a new city. Then, on August 28, we welcomed 10 new Novice brothers from the Chicago, Detroit, and Wisconsin Provinces, as our class celebrated our 1-year anniversary in the Society of Jesus. With the arrival of the new novices, my novice class fully entered our roles as secundi or Second-Year Novices. We were each assigned a First-Year Novice to serve as "guardian angel" to and have been looked to for advice on both the practical and spiritual aspects of Jesuit life. The realization of what it means to be a Second-Year Novice for me has been one of noticing how I have really settled in not only to this new physical space, but really how I have settled in to life as a Jesuit.

This week we began our regular ordo or schedule for the Fall. Matt and I will be doing Jail Ministry for 10 hours a week and in addition, we each will have a 3-hour ministry at different sites involving Spanish-language immersion. I will be joining another Novice each Wednesday to help Hispanic immigrants at an information and resource center located in an indoor Latino marketplace in Saint Paul, while Matt will volunteer at the Mexican consulate. In addition, we will have classes on Catholic Social Teaching, the Constitutions of the Society of Jesus, and Spanish language. Through both our ministry to the marginalized and our classes, we are invited during our second year of Novitiate to continue to discern our vocation to the Jesuits and so prepare ourselves to take Vows next August.

We returned from Peru on July 28th and just spent two glorious weeks on vacation in northern MI. The Jesuits have a beautiful vacation facility on Lake Michigan near the small town of Omena. God's timing was perfect as we returned exhausted from a difficult six weeks in Peru ready to relax. Relax is what we did over those weeks as I fondly recall the time I spent on the water, by the bonfire, watching movies, and playing cards at night. It was a great time for us to bond with our brother Jesuits in different stages of formation.

As I write this update our novitiate is in the midst of a very large transition. We have just celebrated the Vow Ceremony of the Second Year men which marks the transition of their former status as novices to a current one of scholastics, and propels my class into our status as second year novices. Today is a particularly sad day as we watch our brothers, whom we have spent the last year with, move out and head to their respective schools of study. All our second year brothers must now begin their phase of formation known as First Studies which typically lasts for three years.

Watching the second year men take their vows yesterday was a powerful witness to the power of God at work in our lives. The desire these men expressed by promising to live out poverty, chastity, and obedience reminded me of everyone's call to give of themselves to God. The more I can give of myself generously, the more the Holy Spirit fulfills my Being in ways above my comprehension.

Learning to overcome my selfish desires has been a constant struggle this year as I grow into my new life as a Jesuit: A man for others, a man on fire for the love of Christ, a man that wants to accept the unconditional, undeserved, yet ever present love that Christ has for each of us, and a man that desires to return that love to others every day.

Watching my brothers accept this lifestyle gave me hope. It opened my eyes to the fact that we are chosen by God for this life as a Jesuit, we don't choose it. A God who somehow picked men that will listen and live out His will of Love for all. He did not pick us because we are the most competent, the best at what we do, or because we are worthy. He picked us because He loves us and desires that we live in love, which is His will for all of us. Watching my brothers ask for the grace to be able to live out these vows as best they can has helped me stop striving to be perfect and to realize that God's love and His grace, these alone can be enough!

Please keep our community in your prayers as we move to St. Paul MN this week. We will be arriving in St. Paul on August 20th and our new class of first year novices will be joining us on August 28th. We will have the blessing of 10 new guys in the incoming class. Despite the difficulty of moving we are hopeful and excited for a great second year. As I look forward to adjusting to St Paul I also look back and thank God for all the grace that has pulled me through my first year as a Jesuit. What an awesome year it has been!!!

Nearly a month ago, all of us first- and second-year novices landed here in Lima, Peru to begin our Peruvian Experiment. For many, it has been a challenging experience of being immersed in a new and foreign culture and language. However, for me, it has been like returning to the roots of my Catholic faith and Jesuit vocation.

I first was introduced to the Catholic faith through Hispanic friends and came to know Jesus' mother first as La Virgen before I knew her as Our Lady. Similarly, I prayed the rosario before I ever prayed the rosary. My introduction to the Society of Jesus was through a Christian Life Community (CLC) originally founded in Cuba and whose meetings are primarily in Spanish. The first modern Jesuits I was inspried by were from Latin America and my introduction to the Spiritual Exercises was in Spanish. So, my time in Peru has been more like a homecoming than a trip abroad.

The primary apostolate I have had while here in Lima has been to teach English and Religion classes at a Fe y Alegría (Faith and Joy) school in the San Martín de Porres district. The schools of this network are similar to charter schools in the United States, in that they receive public school funding, yet are able to augment such funds to provide a faith-based environment, strong parental involvement, and high-quality education to those who would otherwise not be able to afford one. While teaching English has been a bit of a challenge since it has been decades since I've seen a grammar textbook, I have been blessed to have witnessed the deep faith of the students and shared my vocation story in the Religion classes. Through the experience, I have developed a strong connection with the students, teachers, and staff, whose faith and joy have given me much life.

The most powerful experience that I have had here was a weekend a spent providing spiritual accompaniment to five retreatants doing a weekend version of the Spiritual Exerciss of Saint Ignatius of Loyola. The retreatants themselves came from humble backgrounds both from Lima as well as other parts of Peru. I was humbled to have had the privilege to share several profound conversations with each of the five retreatants and was consoled to see God's transforming love move them from sorrow and pain at the beginning of the retreat to joy and hope at the end. It was by far one of the most moving few days I have had in my life. One cannot doubt God's providence and love once one witnesses such powerful transformations over a couple days.

Finally, community life here in Peru has been another great blessing. Through sharing with my South American Jesuit brothers, I have reconnected with the roots of my faith and stories of inspiring Jesuits like Saint Alberto Hurtado, SJ and Father Juan Julio Wicht, SJ, whose lives witness to the Jesuit value of Magis (choosing the "more" or what would be most pleasing to God). Similarly, I have shared many great moments with my fellow Novitiate community members since we arrived. Beyond the Jesuit bonds, I have connected with the Japanese-Peruvian Catholic community, which has been a great way to bridge my Hispanic Catholic roots and ethnic heritage. In all, though not without its challenges, it has been a grace-filled experience. This weekend we head off to discover where Christ awaits us in Cusco, Machu Picchu, and beyond.

I am happy to have this chance to update everyone on our journey. We find ourselves with three more days until departure for Peru and have just returned from the Jesuit ordinations where six men were ordained priests.

Since the last time I wrote I spent 30 days traversing the United States on my Ignatian Pilgrimage. I would like to share a few highlights from my journey as a pilgrim.

Romans 12: 2, spoke to my heart over Pilgrimage,

"DO NOT BE CONFORMED TO THIS WORLD, BUT BE TRANSFORMED BY THE RENEWING OF YOUR MIND, THAT YOU MAY PROVE WHAT IS THAT GOOD AND ACCEPTABLE AND PERFECT WILL OF GOD."

I learned many lessons of transformation over my 30 days on the streets. I was transformed from a middle class suburbanite into a homeless man, a wanderer, and someone that was struggling to find the point of existing in such a state. Many days I found myself aimlessly wandering the streets of large cities, scattered with a forgotten and ignored homeless population. I was amazed at the paradigm shift from "middle class man" to "a have not."

This new experiential reality began for me in Spokane WA, and carried me through the metropolis of Portland and Salem OR, Boise ID, Denver CO, Chicago IL, Cincinnati OH, and came to a full circle as I returned home to Detroit 30 days later. I had devised no plans for my journey but it's amazing to see the correlation between each destination and the previous impact on my vocation.

The severity of my pilgrimage set in as I disembarked the Greyhound bus in Spokane after a two day trek from Detroit. I was hungry, tired and dumped into an unknown city.

Prayer became a good friend and kept me occupied quite frequently. I prayed my way to the tourist information center and humbled myself to ask for a list of homeless shelters in the area. I noticed a slight shade of red come over my face throughout our conversation. I found the Union Christian Gospel Mission located right next to the pristine Gonzaga University of the Jesuits. Upon entering I felt the strong gaze of two student volunteers. I did not look the part of a homeless man yet and they were obviously curious about me. After they breathalyzed me I was given the rules and led into the recreational area. There were about 60 men and we were all required to perform one chore and spend one hour in chapel each night. I figured I could handle this, despite my obvious discomfort, until I was handed a bundle of pajamas and told to get in line for my group shower. This was my greatest moment of desolation, as I flirted with the idea of running to the door and knocking at the Jesuit residence in Gonzaga. Before fleeing I felt a sudden peace come over me. "Christ is here with these men," I thought. "I can't leave because this is part of his perfect will to transform me and allow me to be apart of this moment." Christ really sustained me those first few days at the Gospel Mission. Writing in my journal that evening I saw how special it was to not only stop in and visit with the poor but to actually be living with them in community. This was a first for me and something that I will never forget.

That evening I met Chuck and Doug, both younger guys looking for work. I sensed a friendliness to them and was grateful to eat at their table. Chuck was in a wheel chair because he lost a foot to frostbite. Chuck was a man that loved his Bible and he told me h0w beautiful he finds Catholic Cathedrals. The next day I wheeled Chuck two miles to the cathedral in downtown Spokane.

That night we were sent to bed at 10pm and rudely woken at 5am. Most of us set out looking for something to occupy our days. Some were actively seeking employment others just passing the day playing cards and smoking. I was beginning to wonder what I could do to get to Portland to see my cousin. After trying to panhandle on the streets I was rejected by many people. Feeling pretty down I doubled back to the Cathedral of Our Lady of Lourdes. I was able to convince the pastor to allow me to speak at the 11am mass so I quickly conjured up an idea of what to say. I truly felt inspired and alive as I approached the pulpit to speak. I felt on fire with what I had experienced at the shelter the previous night, and speaking to this parish about my mission on pilgrimage really caught their attention and empowered me in the process. After the mass, still feeling a high from speaking, a line of many parishioners formed that took over 40 minutes to pass. I was moved to tears as I witnessed first hand just how much of a family the Catholic Church is. People I knew nothing about were inviting me to stay with them, offering me contacts around the country and overwhelming my pockets with money. I also received a rosary, a small diamond ring and many prayers.

God picked me up out of the shelter and provided me with an overabundance of wealth and love. This message of care and concern for me was echoed over all my stops on pilgrimage. Time after time I found people in all walks of life caring for me and guiding me on my way.

Having made enough money I set off for Portland to see my cousin David. David's ordination to the priesthood in 2006 played a large role in my own priestly discernment. It was powerful to see David active at his parish of St. Anne's. Remembering the consolation I felt at David's ordination enabled me to recall how God has been working His perfect will in my own life over the years. I continued to live in solidarity with the poor in Portland. With such a large homeless population it was a real challenge to find availability at the shelters. It got so bad that I spent a night on the streets lodged between flower bushes and a brick wall of the cathedral. The temperature dropped into the lower 40's rendering sleep impossible. Arising at 5am I began to wander the streets of downtown Portland, extremely grouchy and exhausted. What a disadvantage it is to have no home. The Lord heard my prayers and I found contact with a diocesan seminarian from the Philippines, named Angelo Te. Through this contact again I was lifted off of the streets and given much wealth. My family the church again cared for me and guided me on my journey. After spending time with the seminarians at Mt Angel Seminary I received enough generosity to move to my next destination which I thought would be San Fransisco.

It was never on the itinerary and had no bearing on my vocation but nonetheless through various conversations I felt I was being called to Boise. The Greyhound ride was a long one and I arrived at 11pm. Knowing now that homeless shelters stop accepting new residents after evening I was worried that it may be another cold night on the street. Praying to the Holy Spirit on the bus I felt consoled and ready to get to Boise. I specifically asked in prayer to be cared for and mothered in Boise due to feeling the exhaustion of being on the road.

It was in Boise that I received the greatest gifts of pilgrimage. The life of being homeless is one of much discomfort both physical and psychological. I had become very lonely on my travels and felt worthless at times. Watching the business people head to work and seeing everyone going on their way with a sense of purpose reminded me of my humble situation. I was at the mercy of the kindness of others. It took some time to get accustomed but soon I embraced opportunities to receive kindness.

What occurred upon arriving in Boise is miraculous at best to describe. It felt as if God were showing off at how much he cared for me. As I left the Greyhound station I wandered around the city until I found the Boise Rescue Mission where I thought I would try my luck. A man named Casey was there at the exact moment I arrived. He swore that he knew the secret to get in and sure enough after a little persuasion Casey was able secure a place for us on the floor of the clothing deposit. Why Casey stretched his neck out for me, a complete stranger, I am not sure. The very next day I was searching Boise for a place to go to mass, while asking God why He sent me to this town in the middle of nowhere. I happened on St. John's Cathedral in downtown Boise and arrived just in time for 8am mass. There I met Mick, who introduced me to Terry the parish secretary. I gave them my story and intrigued, Terry introduced me to the other women of the parish office. This is how I met Lori, which was my saving grace. Lori mothered me and took me out to lunch. She also gave me a tour of Boise and we hit it off very well. We visited some day time shelters for the homeless and I explained to her my mission of living in solidarity with the poor. Lori would have nothing of me staying another night in a shelter and swore that if Fr. Robert wouldn't allow me to stay at the discernment house at the Parish then I could stay in her spare room.

While in Boise I was received as one of the community. My mentality of lonely wanderer was transformed to welcomed friend. The people there taught me what true generosity looks like. I was amazed at the relationships that formed so quickly. In six days during my stay at the Bishop Treinen house, thanks to the generosity of Fr. Rob and Fr. John, I felt as though Boise was a second home. I was given a sense of purpose, taken from a shelter and thrown into the lives of many.

Stephanie Bennet and her husband Jim, and sons Derek, and Scottie shared the gift of their home and friendship. I felt like a kid again playing basketball, Wii, and watching movies, not to mention the amazing meals they provided for me. Thanks to Stephanie I was invited to talk at the young adult group in charge of the Life Teen masses. There I met incredible people my age that embraced me as a friend. I cannot forget the touching way I was prayed over after the meeting and how they invited to speak at the Life Teen mass. This was an awesome excuse to stay a few more days and allowed me to meet so many good, holy people. Michael was a great acquaintance to make. He took me hiking in the beautiful Boise foothills, and accompanied me to the going away party for a dear friend Alec as he prepared to embark on a long journey with the Navy Seals. This party was another reminder of God's love for me through friendships and I met some really fun people like Deanna, Alex, George, Mark, Nick, Tanisha, Josh, Kimberly and many more. Also in Boise I played ultimate Frisbee, capture the flag, and participated in many community events. Another show of generosity came from Anita Bokan as she showed me some hiking trails, gave me lunch and stocked me up on supplies for my journey. God rained down generous gifts for six days. I was humbled by such a show of love and friendship.

Full of confidence and trust in God's love for me I headed to Denver CO. Stephanie drove me to the airport and helped me purchase a ticket to Denver. Despite taking Greyhound most places this method of travel saved me 19 hours and $60. Upon arriving in Denver I reminisced of World Youth Day that I attended in 1994. This too was an important part of my discernment of the priesthood. While there though Denver proved to be a very difficult place to adjust to. I found a map and one of the worst homeless shelters yet. After a two hour wait in line my lotto number was called meaning I had a bed for the night. There was no regulation of drugs and alcohol and many people were high, drunk, and fighting. I felt so unsafe and fearful but Christ came through in a woman that I met at dinner in the soup kitchen. She was 62 years old and had been living on the streets for 8 years. She must have read me like a book because she began telling me how Jesus has been the reason she survives life on the streets and He provides her with strength and courage. It was very consoling to hear and gave me the gusto to continue on through the very long night at this dingy shelter. The next few days I spent at a cheap dirty hostel but it relieved me from the dangers at the shelter to some degree. While in Denver I also spent time at Regis University and was provided for in many ways. After a few days of comfortable accomodations at the University I felt called to move on.

After a long Amtrak ride to Chicago I was able to revisit my community of St. Procopius in Pilsen. It was here that I spent six months living in community with the Jesuits to discern a call to be a Jesuit priest. Being back was a great confirmation to the way Jesus had been at work in my life helping me to discern the joys of serving others in the community by working at the soup kitchen, masses with the Missionaries of Charity, working the clothing deposit with Miquita and Juanita (the two Saints of St Procopius), and spending time working with children at the school. Fr. Jim let me stay on the rectory floor for three nights. I spent time mowing grass, painting, and working with the poor in the soup kitchen. As my 30 days wound down I decided on one last destination before heading back to Detroit.

Coming full circle I ended my pilgrimage with two nights in Cincinnati where I lived for almost 7 years of my life. It was in Cincinnati where I gained the courage to learn to renew my mind to listen to the call that Jesus has for me. It was serendipitous ending my pilgrimage where I began actively discerning my vocation. St. Francis Xavier Church proved to be a place where Christ truly renewed my mind and spoke to my heart, through participating in XACTS (Young Adult Group), working in Catechism with the kids, and participating at mass. While in Cincinnati I visited St. X very briefly and spent a night at the Drop In Center on Washington Park in Over the Rhine. It was quite different being the one receiving the handouts instead of dropping them off as I used to do with XACTS.

My 30 day pilgrimage provided a meaningful way to revisit Christ's call throughout my life and really prove to me His perfect will in my life. It was also a time of transformation and renewal to see the ways that Christ is present in so many different walks of life.

As we all participate in the pilgrimage of life may we recall those words that speak so well to our pilgrim status here on this earth.

"DO NOT BE CONFORMED TO THIS WORLD, BUT BE TRANSFORMED BY THE RENEWING OF YOUR MIND, THAT YOU MAY PROVE WHAT IS THAT GOOD AND ACCEPTABLE AND PERFECT WILL OF GOD." (Romans 12:2)

As Jesuit novices, we are each asked to make a 30-day pilgrimage that should be without money, involve begging, and cause some discomfort in food and lodging, all this to allow us to place our complete trust in God’s love and reliance on Divine Providence. I would easily say this was the part of the Novitiate experience that provoked the most fear in me. That aside, on April 15^th, we each went off on our separate ways – armed with a backpack, $35 in cash, and a one-way bus ticket.

Since I became Catholic in 1994, I have always had a strong devotion to Our Lady of Guadalupe. So, I decided to dedicate my pilgrimage to the Virgen de Guadalupe for both her protection and in solidarity with Hispanic immigrants. I chose Our Lady of Guadalupe parish in San Antonio, Texas as my first destination and then boarded a Mexican-run bus in the Mexicantown neighborhood in Detroit. After some 32 hours of travel, complete with stops at Mexican grocery stores and restaurants in Ohio and Tennessee to pick up more passengers, a few Spanish-language movies and an unanticipated drug search, I arrived in San Antonio.

The parish in San Antonio was one of a 12 shrines to Our Lady of Guadalupe that I was able to visit over the next 30 days. Thanks to the generosity and prayers of the parishioners in San Antonio, I was able to continue to El Paso. During my brief 12-hour stop there, I was given the grace of courage to walk across the border to violence-torn Ciudad Juárez to Guadalupe Cathedral. Then, I spent nearly a week at Our Lady of Guadalupe parish in Chino, California, where the first person to ever ask me to consider the priesthood serves as pastor. Next was Guadalupe, Arizona, where I prayed in particular for those who will face the harsh consequences of that state’s recently-passed anti-immigrant legislation.

From Arizona, I went on to Immokalee, Florida, where the humble farmworker community and Scalabrini priests gave me a warm welcome. Next came the Mission of Our Lady of the Americas in the Atlanta area, followed by the Cathedral of Our Lady of Guadalupe in Dallas. Then it was on to Chicago, from where I flew down to Mexico City to visit the Basilica of Our Lady of Guadalupe on Mexican Mother’s Day, which is May 10^th. After that brief, yet incredibly powerful visit, I continued on to Milwaukee, then back down to Chicago to visit two more shrines of Guadalupe.

Throughout the 30 days, I continually felt God’s hand guiding me along the way, Christ’s love present in all the people I encountered, and the Blessed Mother’s protection in the midst of my solitude. During the journey, I shared my story with prayer groups as well as folks I met on the many bus rides, painted a house as well as the Stations of the Cross, and picked peppers from the fields as well as cooked a couple Japanese dinners. Through it all I learned to trust that God’s providence is greater than any plans I could make, that God’s generosity surpasses any worries I might have for my wants and needs, and that God’s love is all-encompassing and ever-present.

After spending the last six weeks at our Short Experiment sites Kyle and I have landed safely back at the Novitiate. Over the past few days all eleven first year novices have been sharing our experiences and enjoying this time together before heading back out on the road.

Having just returned from our Short Experiments I am filled with a new energy that I received from an incredible time working at Homeboy Industries in Los Angeles, CA. I was working with previous gang members in the process of leaving behind their gangs and seeking a better way. Homeboy Industries provided me the opportunity to step into a world where I did not fit the mold. Most of my days were spent hanging out and trying to get to know a group of people that have been demonized by society as part of the problem. What did I, a white guy raised in the suburbs, have to offer to gang members? At first glance not a whole lot. In retrospect I found that I was not there to provide anything. I was there to receive a sense of identity as a servant of Christ. My previous paradigm of achieving a solution to everyone's problems was quickly dissembled and replaced by a humbling realization that their problems were too big for this white suburban male to meddle with.

So what then was the point of being at Homeboy Industries? This question stumped me for the majority of my time as I awkwardly roamed the halls of Homeboys desperately seeking a task to give me a sense of purpose. The answer came to me as I found a niche helping a member of the gang known as "The Cripps". John had just been given the opportunity to work in the housing department at Homeboys, one of the many services provided to help get people on their feet. Since John had zero experience in an office position I stepped in to assist. While on the surface this provided me a task and a purpose, underneath I began to learn about John's false murder conviction and how that destroyed his life. Through meeting John I gained trust and an "in" with other past gang members. I soon found that my time at Homeboys was enriched by learning about their lives on the streets, the struggles of gang affiliation, and drug addiction.

While at Homeboys I was blessed with the opportunity to run the LA Marathon while pushing Alex, a "Homie" that has been paralyzed from the waist down due to a bullet wound to the head. I was also asked to help lead a retreat for nine "Homies" that were selected from the group. We spent a week learning about how to find God in our suffering and in the everyday circumstances of life. Leading this retreat has been one of the most powerful experiences of my life as I felt Christ working through me to reach these young men. On various occasions I listened to heart wrenching stories about a man so addicted to PCP that his wife and three children left him. He has found his purpose to be a beacon of hope to other drug addicts from his neighborhood. Another young man shared with the group his first prayer, begging Jesus to save the life of his best friend as he coddled his lifeless, bloody, bullet ridden body in his arms. As the retreat wore on these men left behind the heaviness of their suffering and received a sense of their true identity as beloved sons of God. I too was filled with a sense of being a beloved son open to the work of the Father.

Over the past few days there is a nervous energy at the Novitiate as we prepare for our impending Pilgrimage.

Pilgrimage is one of the more hard core aspects of the novitiate, allowing us to truly learn to trust in Christ and seek His companionship as we embark on the different journeys that we have been discerning over the past few weeks. The rules are $35.00 and a one way bus ticket to our first destination. We will spend 30 days traveling, begging, and learning to deal with the discomfort of seeking lodging and food. We are to rely on the generosity of those we encounter along the way and to trust in God's loving care. This part of formation derives its roots from the Jesuit Constitutions created by St. Ignatius of Loyola as a way to encounter Christ through a sense of discomfort in begging for basic necessities.

I will be setting out for Spokane, WA and plan on touring some of the Northwest. My goal is to touch base with my cousin David, whose ordination back in 2006 was key to guiding me towards discerning my calling to the priesthood. Kyle will be heading to San Antonio, TX seeking solidarity of an immigrant's journey and the many struggles they face in a foreign land. Some of our brothers plan to go to Haiti and assist in the relief efforts there and the rest will be well scattered around the United States.

As Kyle and I prepare for our pilgrimage we thank you for the support and prayers. I am confident that despite the difficulty of the upcoming journey, this pilgrimage will help open our eyes to the unconditional love of the Father. As we go out we remain in union with our pilgrim family at St. Xavier Church. Let us recall that we are all on this journey together!

After the silence and solitude of the Spiritual Exercises of Saint Ignatius Loyola, Matt and I along with our fellow Novices were sent on tours of the Chicago, Detroit, and Wisconsin Provinces, then to our respective Short Experiments. I am certain that I speak for my brother Novices that we have all felt in different ways the contrast between the quiet reflection and prayer of the Long Retreat and the hustle and bustle of travel and apostolic work. In a sense, we were beginning our “public life” as Jesuits, sent forth from the Novitiate to share our stories, talents, and experiences with the world.

During the last week of February, we were all sent out on Novice Tours of the three Jesuit Provinces we represent. One group was sent to Omaha, another was sent to Milwaukee and Saint Paul, Matt’s group was sent to Ohio, and my group was sent to Indianapolis and Chicago. The purpose of our trips was two-fold - to promote vocations to the Society of Jesus through talks given to candidates, students, and parishoners as well as to get to know our fellow Jesuits and their respective apostolic works. My trio of Novices began our trip at Brebeuf Jesuit Preparatory in Indianapolis, followed by Saint Procopius parish and Cristo Rey Jesuit High in the Mexican American neighborhood of Pilsen in Chicago, Loyola Academy in suburban Wilmette, Illinois, Loyola University Chicago and University of Chicago’s Jesuit communities, and finally Saint Ignatius College Preparatory in Chicago.

While I have to admit that the Tour left me exhausted, I found the experience to be quite inspiring and affirming to my vocation. As we visited each apostolic work of the Chicago Province, I was able to see the unique ways in which Jesuits were able to positively impact the lives of their students and parishoners. Since I have never attended a Jesuit school, I found it fascinating to see how our Catholic faith and Ignatian spirituality were incorporated into the classroom environment. One comment that stuck with me was the response of a Cristo Rey student to the question, “What makes this school different from other schools in the area?” Her response was, “We care about each other here.”

I found that this same care and concern extended into the Jesuit communities that we visited. Each one gave us a warm welcome and I truly felt that I was among brothers at each place. The Masses, dinners, and informal conversations we shared with our fellow Jesuits at each stop along the way, served as fuel for our journey across the Province. Each community visit was like a mini family reunion of sorts, as I had met a number of the Jesuits at either Province Days / Ordinations or at our Formation Conference back in late December. Looking back, I have definitely noticed that a deeper sense of Jesuit identity has welled up inside me since completing the Long Retreat.

Upon completing our whirlwind tours, we each were each sent out to different Short Experiment sites. Saint Ignatius proposed a series of “experiments” for Jesuits during their formation. The term “experimento” in Spanish has a double meaning - to both test or “experiment” in the scientific sense as well as to personally live or “experience”. Short Experiment involves a 6-week period at a Jesuit apostolate, the location of which is discerned between the Novice and his director during the Long Retreat. Matt’s Short Experiment is at Homeboy Industries in Los Angeles, while my Short Experiment is at Sacred Heart Jesuit parish in El Paso. This is the first time since entering that we Novices are separated from our fellow Novices, although most of us still are living in Jesuit communities.

Although I have only been in El Paso for two weeks, I have been able to get my feet wet in many aspects of Jesuit parish life. Sacred Heart Jesuit parish was founded in 1893 by Jesuit Father Carlos Pinto to serve the Mexican American community in the Segundo Barrio neighborhood of El Paso, just 3 blocks north of the US-Mexico border. Since my arrival, I have helped our Jesuit Volunteers set up a library for our Adult Education program, led prayer for our Wednesday night youth group, read at Mass on several occasions, prayed with people who come to our weekly food distribution, visited the humble apartments of those seeking rental or utility assistance, provided tours to visiting Alternative Spring Break students from Jesuit universities, and cooked in the parish’s Mexican restaurant.

While I have had a variety of activities and my schedule has changed from day to day, I would say that the most meaningful part of my experience thus far have been the many conversations I have had with parishoners, parish staff and volunteers, and my fellow Jesuits. I have been welcomed with open arms from day one. Many people have shared very deep and personal stories with me, particularly after I explained to them that I was a Jesuit Novice. These conversations have been both humbling as I experience first-hand how much faith and trust people place in us as Jesuits as well as affirming to my vocation to the Society of Jesus. This has challenged me to always reflect on how my life and example should serve as witness to Christ. I have thus come to realize that only through God’s providence and strength will I be able to bring Christ’s love to others.

The past month has been one of the most privileged of my life. Kyle and I, with our brother novices, spent thirty days participating in the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola. I have to admit that the thought of a thirty day silent retreat had me slightly intimidated. We set out for Gloucester MA. on January 4th and began the silence on January 6th. If anyone has seen The Perfect Storm with George Clooney, we were in that same town for this retreat, in a beautiful retreat house right on the Atlantic ocean.

The Spiritual Exercises have been passed down from the first Jesuits about 450 years ago as a means to discern a calling in life and grow in one’s relationship with the Lord. Ignatius, inspired by the Holy Spirit, was able to put on paper all of his graced experiences with Jesus that occurred in the cave of Manresa. I will share the basic structure of the Exercises and some of my personal experiences from the retreat.

Each day we spent an hour in spiritual direction to help guide us through the movements of our prayer. I spent roughly 4-6 hours daily going through the Exercises of Ignatius as they are structured in the book. The format is four weeks but you basically move at your own pace allowing intimate encounters with Christ to determine where to move next. The first week is designed for the participant to understand the destructive power of sin and recognize one’s own sinfulness amidst the love of Christ. This was a difficult period of the retreat as I was faced with the many times I have fallen and forgotten Christ’s presence within me and His great love for me.

Once I recognized fully that Christ loves me despite my imperfections and sin I moved past the first week into the second week. This period is a “walk with Christ” from his birth throughout Palm Sunday. I spent many hours enveloped in the gospels getting to know Jesus. I found myself also sharing with Him many aspects of my life. Things that I just took for granted that he knew about me. In one instance I knew that Christ has been with me through everything and He promised to be a companion for the entire journey. I really felt a strong trust develop throughout this precious time with Jesus.

During the third week I was with Christ during His time of trial and suffering in the Passion. It was very difficult to watch my friend and companion endure this inhuman treatment, especially knowing that I have contributed to this by my own sinfulness. I felt helpless as I watched most of the passion from the sidelines. I saw as his Apostles scattered and denied their apostleship. I watched as Jesus humbly accepted punishment, baffled by the anger and cruelty of the soldiers and pharisees. Overall I noticed a deep love emanating from Christ asking the Father to forgive us in our ignorance. This was what has inspired me most about the retreat, that Jesus loves us so perfectly without any stipulations or gimmicks. His love became so apparent that I can’t forget it and desire to do my best to carry it wherever I go. I think that this is our calling as Christians to spread the good news to our brothers and sisters and ensure all are connected in the body of Christ by His great love. Most importantly we must love those that are hardest to love.

Week four was a time to rejoice with Jesus in the Resurrection. Although it was the shortest period of the retreat I was able to spend a few days joyfully partaking in the Resurrected Christ. Watching Jesus in his excitement was intense as He revealed Himself to those He loved. Many were in disbelief as He approached them on the road to Emmaus, Mary at the tomb and of course Thomas in the upper room.

My last day of retreat I spent with Jesus running across the beaches of Gloucester enjoying the morning sun and the hundreds of seagulls flying by. I found a beautiful field of golden wheat where I decided to sit for a bit to catch my breath. I found a large wooden beam and decided to lay down to enjoy the unusual warmth of the day. As birds flew by overhead and I watched the clouds form into many imaginary objects I couldn’t help but realize the symbolism of my resting place on a wooden plank. I felt the peacefulness of a presence much holier than my own and realized this is my calling. To be the hands and feet of Christ to the world.

The last month for me has been a personal experience about why community is so important to Jesuit life.

Thanksgiving was a holiday filled with mixed emotions. While we gathered together to give thanks for the many blessings we all had received over the past year, we also were very aware of how two of our brother Novices had recently suffered the loss of loved ones. While some adjusted to the experience of Thanksgiving away from family, others rejoiced in the festivities of Mass, football, and dinner together. Nonetheless, through it all, what prevailed for me was a sense of community, seen through the love and support we shared with each other. As the Novices in mourning left to be with their respective families, we gathered to share hugs and words of encouragement. As we celebrated Thanksgiving Mass, we each shared heart-felt anecdotes about that for which we were most grateful. After Thanksgiving, as we received visits from family members, those who did not have family in town, like myself, were generously invited by our brother Novices to join their families for meals and even a bonfire.

Over the last four weeks, Matt and I have been at our last ministry site for this year, Colombiere, where Jesuits retire from active ministry to pray for the Church and the Society. While at first, I saw Colombiere as just another ministry site, I quickly came to realize that it was more like visiting family, visiting our new older brothers. My first impression of Colombiere was how vibrant community life was there for the Jesuits. There are two community Masses each day, many activities, and lively conversations in the dining room. It was so distinct from any retirement home I had been to precisely because everyone there was essentially family.

I came to see Colombiere as a very important apostolate of the Society, where retired Jesuits actively support each other's transitions to a more sedentary lifestyle and where prayer truly becomes the focal point of their lives. The idea of praying for the Church and Society was made real for me when one day I was surprised to find a prayer card with my own picture on it while I helped clean one Jesuit's room. I was humbled that this accomplished Jesuit spent time praying for me, a Novice just getting his feet wet in Jesuit life. Over just a few weeks, I have had some incredible conversations with my new brothers, who have confided in me as if we had been family all our lives. Not only do they have a strong sense of community amongst themselves, but they have welcomed me and the other Novices into their community as well.

As the year comes to an end, I am grateful for the blessing of Jesuit community, which has been an incredible source of strength and support for me. I have found myself a bit nostalgic as I know that the coming weeks will bring a change to our community, as the eight second-year Novices leave the Novitiate for their Long Experiments in different cities across the Midwest until next June. However, before then, we will be able to join together in community with all of our brother Jesuits from the Chicago, Detroit, and Wisconsin provinces in formation from Novices to Scholastics in studies and regency to those recently ordained as priests during a three-day end of the year conference. After that, we first year Novices will depart in January for the Spiritual Exercises of Saint Ignatius Loyola in Gloucester, Massachusetts, 30 days of silence to deepen our relationship with God and to develop a greater understanding of ourselves as well. As such, our next blog post will not be until February.

So, until then, may all of you have a blessed Advent, a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year!

For the past five weeks we have been doing our hands on ministry as novices. Kyle and I have been paired up with two other novices, Adam and Gavin, for ministry. Our schedule consists of three different locations where we work for three to four weeks at each place respectively. Our group began at a nursing home located near the novitiate. Currently we are working at a grade school called La Salette and next week we will begin ministering to the retired Jesuits at our Colombiere Retirement Center, where many Jesuits go to end their earthly journeys. The schedule is designed to challenge us as novices to learn to adapt and be flexible in a whole myriad of situations. So far it has done just that. I can honestly say that over the past five weeks I have found myself in situations doing things that I would have never thought possible.

At the nursing home we were given a list of residents that we were to visit on a daily basis to provide pastoral care. Initially I wondered how I could possibly provide pastoral care without any experience in such a matter. I soon found out that I was the one that received more than I could have possibly given. The first days at the nursing home seemed endless as we traversed the crowded halls trying to visit those on our lists. Many residents never had any company and most were crowded into rooms with three or four people. I dreaded working with those that were basically nonverbal or suffering from dementia. I did not know what to say or do to alleviate their pain or help them in some way. After taking this challenge to prayer I realized that the point was to be present to them and let Jesus do the rest of the work. With this new mentality I felt at ease sitting beside them. In many cases I would pray over them or hold their hand and just listen to them even though it was mostly incoherent rambling. There were also Catholic residents that liked us to bring communion to them on a regular basis. This was my first experience transporting and giving Holy Communion and it really opened my eyes to how beautiful the sacrament is for Catholics. Many times there would be tears as I gave them the Body of Christ. Towards the end of our time at the nursing home I noticed a change in myself. I was more at ease with the people and able to just be with them. I realized that I wasn't relieving pain or even tangibly providing results but I was giving Christ a body, in which he could be present to his flock. That realization made all the difference in the world. Knowing I was allowing Christ to be present let me risk humiliating circumstances or even flat out rejection when they would not want to talk or were having a bad day.

Since we changed ministry two weeks ago I am now working with both first and eighth graders. I find myself again faced with a whole new list of challenges and blessings throughout the day. Trying to hold a first graders attention for more than a minute is quite a challenge indeed. Creating interesting lesson plans each night for my eighth graders is also very time consuming. My goal is to articulate some important truths about Christ that can help serve these students in their personal faith life. Despite not making any great achievements teaching I am struck by many other factors of the experience. On Tuesday I basically follow my first graders throughout their day. I recall fondly that sense of security and peacefulness that surrounds them. All their needs are met and they are very well cared for. It is a relief to see that even in this day and age our children have a safe environment at school. I can't help regressing to my own first grade days as I play with them at recess and eat with them at lunch. I am struck by the innocence in their eyes and the great trust they have for me. I can truly see the face of Christ in their innocence. It is a blessing to spend these days in the company of those uncorrupted by the cruelty of our world. I pray for them that they may remain innocent throughout the trials of life. Whether working with the elderly or with children it is a good reminder to me that we are all called to a sense of childlike trust and love in order to enter into the Kingdom of heaven. I have found letting down my guard and trusting are becoming easier to our ministry group especially when filling new roles on the job.

Both at the nursing home and at LaSalette we have been asked to sing. At the nursing home we worked very hard to create a fun and interesting activity for the residents. We decided to create a Hawaiian Luau for the residents as we learned songs, sported our Hawaiian shirts, and performed some Hula dances. This was a first for me and quite an experience indeed! We were also asked to prepare the music for the student mass at LaSalette last week. Again the four of us found ourselves learning new songs and performing for the student body. These are some great examples of things I never would have dreamed of doing! I must admit I enjoy the element of surprise here at the novitiate and have been able to step into roles that would have never seemed possible to me!

As I finish ministry at the school I am already looking forward to hearing the stories and experiences of our older Jesuits at Colombiere. I know that Chirst is waiting for us through that experience as well and I'm sure as in the first two there will be that continued lesson of learning to get out of God's way and let him work through me!

After completing First Probation in September, we entered into what is known as Second Probation, a period of Jesuit formation that continues through Novitiate, First Studies, Regency, Theology Studies, Ordination, and typically through one's first assignment as a priest. It is during this period that one is truly formed as a Jesuit. The beginning of Second Probation provides a brief introduction to the most basic aspects of Jesuit Life. Matt and I have taken classes on Religious Life and being ministers of the Word, have participated in the formation of community, and have made two pilgrimages to help bolster our resolve to continue along this new path in our lives.

Our classes on Religious Life have covered the topics of community along with the vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience. We have had brief readings on each of these topics, held discussions and wrote papers, and even developed and presented lively skits on several case studies. The skits revealed the hidden talents of many of our fellow Novices through acting, singing, and even some dancing. The skits really helped to break the ice on topics that might otherwise have been difficult to approach. We have also received a few classes on lectoring and giving practice homilies. After these sessions, there is no doubt in my mind that there is a lot of talent among the members of our Novice class.

Over the past month, we have had the opportunity to get to know each other much better as we have taken part in various community activities ranging from weekly chores to community faith sharing, from team sports like soccer and football to attending a musical. We each have been assigned regular weekly chores, with Matt helping to buy groceries for the house and me organizing our house library. Others maintain our cars, clean common areas, and see to the upkeep of the kitchen, dining room, and chapel. Beyond these regular activities, the chance conversations in the recreation room, hallways, and dining room have allowed us to form strong bonds.

The two pilgrimages we have made over the past month, one with our fellow First-Year Novices and one with a mixed group of First- and Second-Year Novices, have also been fundamental to strengthening our sense of community. A couple weeks ago, all of the First-Year Novices went to Midland, Ontario, Canada to attend the Feast of the North American Martyrs, which is celebrated on September 26th in Canada. We were inspired by the heroic lives of Jesuit martyrs Sts. Jean de Brebeuf and Gabriel Lalemant, who worked among the Wynadot or Huron peoples. In Midland, we met other Jesuit Novices from the Northeast United States and Canada. Just last night, a group of made a pilgrimage just down the road to the Cathedral of the Most Blessed Sacrament in Detroit for the Veneration of the Relic of St. Damien of Molokai. As I sat there next to John Simmons, who was at St. Xavier Parish last Spring, I was moved by the prayer given in the Hawaiian language by Fr. Lane Akiona, SS.CC. who was born on Molokai and is a member of St. Damien's congregation. As we returned home from our brief local pilgrimage, I was overcome by a sense of gratitude to have my brother Jesuits there with me as we venerated the relic of the first saint from my home state.

The summer adventures came to a close with a final trip to Guatemala, my host country for the Peace Corps, where I served over four years ago. It was an amazing blessing to have been able to end the summer with this visit. Kyle and I spent time hiking an active volcano that was spewing rivers of lava, we visited a beautiful site called Semuc Champey, which consists of a series of turquoise pools connected by water falls. We also spent time in Antigua, Gautemala, which is the oldest and most beautiful colonial style city in Central America. Most importantly this trip served as a reminder of how God manifested his love to me through out my two years in Guatemala through the people and places where I served.

I spent time introducing Kyle to my host family and friends from my village where I used to live in Guatemala. Although I was feeling nostalgic and would have loved to spend more time with them I had to settle for the brief chance to update them on my new adventure and why I felt called to join the Jesuits. It was important for me to tell them because these people played a large role in allowing me to find my vocation due to the love they gave me and the example of their strong faith. Building up the courage to tell friends in Guatemala about entering the seminary was not easy but their simple faith, which is what inspired my vocation, is what also allowed me to proceed with the news and enjoy their sincere responses. I found that not everyone agreed with this path and some pleaded that I get married.? My Catholic friends were overjoyed and I know I can count on their prayers and support. They even gave us a going away dinner to celebrate.

After an exciting trip in Guatemala we returned home and I was able to spend some quality time with the family before making the plunge into religious life on August 29th. Kyle and I have just begun taking some classes this week based on religious life and the three vows of chastity, poverty, and obedience. Last Friday we were sworn in with a blessing because we finished our triduum retreat. That marked the end of our first probation and signifies that we have officially entered the novitiate. St. Ignatius established the first probation as a way for interested candidates to learn more about the society before entering into it.

We have also been learning about the Jesuit idea of contemplatives in action. As we meet in regular sessions to discuss different aspects and constitutions of the Jesuits we try to observe the movements we are experiencing within. God is actively speaking to us in all that we encounter throughout the day. It is very important, especially as a novice to be aware of one's inner feelings and thoughts. As we have been learning about the Jesuit Formula and becoming servants of Christ in the Jesuit sense Kyle and I are urged to contemplate our own desires and to check if there is a harmony with the Jesuit way of life.

Each day here is also geared towards increasing our spiritual life. We begin the day with morning prayer by reciting the Liturgy of the Hours. Each afternoon we attend a community mass and dinner. The community bonding has been great. We also have a creative prayer session on Tuesday evenings and plenty of time for adoration in between. There are 21 first and second year novices which means there is never a dull moment in the community. We also spend lots of time hanging out and playing sports.

I will close by sharing a grace I received on our triduum retreat. As I find myself anxious to be moving faster and progressing spiritually I found a beautiful prayer through which God spoke to me on retreat. This prayer helped to remind me of the trust necessary to continue on this path and the constant strength that the Lord provides if we surrender.

Patient Trust

Above all trust in the slow work of God. We are quite naturally impatient in everything to reach the end without delay. We are impatient of being on the way to something unknown, something new. And yet it is the law of all progress that it is made by passing through some stages of instability and it may take a very long time.

Only God could say what this new spirit gradually forming within you will be. Give our Lord the benefit of believing that His hand is leading you, and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself in suspense and incomplete.

-Pierre Teilhard de Chardin SJ.

Thanks for reading about our experiences thus far. It is consoling to know of the prayers and support from St. X parish!

When one is about to embark upon a significant change in one’s life, courage is key. There are few greater examples of courage than those of the many Christian martyrs that have given their lives as a testament of their unshakable faith. It was to a group of these martyrs slain in the land of my ancestors to whom I turned for courage and inspiration as I prepare to enter the Society of Jesus at the end of August.

St. Francis Xavier, the patron of our parish, was the first Christian missionary to Japan, arriving in the middle of the 16th Century. By the end of that same century, his work led to thousands of conversions and a flourishing church, a church seen as a threat to Japan’s rulers. As such, 26 Christians, including three Jesuits, were forced to march hundreds of miles to their death in Nagasaki, where they were placed on crucifixes and pierced by two spears through the chest.

In June, Matt Lieser and I had the privilege to visit the site of the 26 Christian martyrs in Nagasaki and venerate the relics of the three Jesuits killed at that site. We were graciously received by the Jesuits of the Japan Province, who carry on Xavier’s work today. The stories of these and other Japanese martyrs exemplified the Ignatian idea of Magis, Catholics that gave their lives for their unconditional love for Christ.

Since the trip, the past few weeks have been a flurry of activity – attending two weddings; deciding what to keep, what to donate, what to throw away; and all the while sharing the umpteenth version of my vocation story with family and friends and saying my goodbyes. Through it all, the Lord has been present, reminding me in those moments when I have felt just a bit overwhelmed by it all, that His love and grace are all that I need.

Along with 11 others, Matt and I will enter the novitiate of the Society of Jesus in Berkley, Michigan (a suburb of Detroit) on Saturday, 29th of August. The novitiate is where we will initially enter into the life of a Jesuit: living in community; studying and learning about the Society of Jesus; making the 30-day Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius; being sent on apostolic experiments. At the end of this two-year period as Jesuit novices, we would profess our First Vows in the Society of Jesus, our perpetual vows of chastity, poverty and obedience. We intend to write periodic “blog” updates of our novice experiences.

Matt Lieser & Kyle Shinseki